


Trouble In Paradise

by CaptainDani



Category: Sherlock (TV), Star Trek
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Islands, Kirk gets babies, M/M, Stranded
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 00:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8512087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDani/pseuds/CaptainDani
Summary: Both of them are stuck on an island together. Moriarty was sent there by Sherlock and Kirk was there because he was drunk af (and still is) and Bones + Spock had enough of him.





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m a Jim, you’re a Jim, so like, we are like, soulmates” 

Moriaty rolled his eyes in the typical dramatic fashion while kicking a crab with his shoe, watching it fly with an amused expressed, its six legs scrambling in the air, impossibly trying to find grounding until it landed with a ‘plop’ in the water. 

“I’m hot, you cannot deny that” Kirk begins to say until Moriaty cuts him off, his hand flying in front of Kirk’s face in dismissal.  
“Honey obviously, you haven’t looked in the mirror or met a certain moi” he drawls, his lips twisting into an amused smirk (not that he found Jim number 2 amusing, not at all, nooope) which soon morphed into a disapproving expression as he found Kirk’s finger tapping him on the nose.

“Boop”  
“You are child” 

“Yup. You know, Bones has said a similar thing. He’s my space husband” 

“Five minutes ago, you said I was your husband” 

‘Well, yeah, duh, land husband. Ariel is my sea husband an-“

“She’s a female”

“Irrelevant” 

“And do any of these people know this?”

“Well…no, not yet but I am working on it”

Moriaty rolled his eyes again as he picked up a twig wondering what the blue-eyed man would look like bleeding out on the sand. He squinted at the ground, picturing the scene with a rather scary amount of clarity, while contemplating the many ways one can impale another with a stick. So far he had come up with fourteen. However, his daydream was soon disrupted and his head snapped up as he glared at the blonde who was now poking him persistently in the cheek. “If you don’t stop that now, I will rip your still beating heart out of your chest” he mentions slowly, wishing he had a piece of gum in his mouth to keep him from either, a) doing just that, b) shoving him in the sea, c) running far, far away or d) using the magical abilities that he had and making Kirk die from swooning too much over his perfectly sculpted face and Godlike physique. 

“Hyperbole” Moriaty doesn’t say anything, choosing to walk ahead along the beach, ignoring Kirk with every ounce of patience that he contained in his body which honestly, wasn’t very much. “W O W I thought that you were a genius, wow, I am disappointed. Moriaty is stu-pid. They lied then. In the books, in the show, in the movies, you’re like…” Kirk’s bright blue eyes light up as he begins to bounce where he stands, “AN ORDINARY HUMAN” he shouts which causes Jim number 1 to turn around in anger, stamping his foot, his finger pointed in an accusingly manner, however Kirk cuts him off before he can say anything. “FYI, it’s an exaggeration beyond the sense of reality and I can’t believe it – you are BORINGGGGGGG. Boring Jim boring Jim” 

Right now, Moriaty was contemplating how he would get rid of Kirk. 

“I love you Jim” Kirk mentions jumping on Moriaty’s back, wrapping his legs around his waist, octopuss-ing himself to the other, and planting a big sloppy kiss on his cheek. “We should have babies” 

Moriaty sighed, “You do realise that won’t work” 

“I don’t care. “Kirk kisses him again, “I” another kiss, “LOOOOOOVE” he licks face, “you!”


	2. From Me To You, With Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk has a massive hangover and of course, Moriarty decides to seek revenge...because that is what true love is.

Moriarty was fearful that Kirk wouldn’t ever pass out but finally he did, of course with his both arms wrapped tightly around his neck (to the point that he believed his veins might burst) and Kirk’s (very well-toned) legs was hooked over his own. Jim number 1 attempted to wiggle his way out of this slightly pleasant but overall very terrifying experience, however, as soon as Jim number 2 felt him moving, all it did was increase the tightness of the hold. If he didn’t value his life so much, then he would have continued to move and Kirk would have strangled him…potentially to death which meant that he was free. But dead. Permanently dead. Which wasn’t too helpful considering that dead was kinda, bad? So yeah, Moriarty couldn’t equal dead. 

Eventually he got out of prison and what was better, Mr. Kirk stayed fast asleep, snoring his little blonde head off in Neverland or imagining what he looked like shirtless (if Kirk asked realllyyyyy nicely, then maybe he might make his fantasy a reality, heck strip show on the island with the dolphins – next award winning HBO show?) or whatever Pretty Boy dreamed about. So, he had time to run away, kill Kirk or plot his revenge. 

Naturally, he selected option number three. 

While he did find the other’s antics amusing yesterday, he was also a major pain in his ass. Capitol A, violently red exclamation mark at the end. So, it was only fair that he made it square. Nobody got away with licking Jim Moriarty’s face without a price. Goddammit, he didn’t even get to lick his face! And he was strangled to almost death, and his back felt broken when Kirk jumped on it and, (he was being melodramatic) that just wasn’t on. Yes, with a shark like grin and a mischievous glint in his eyes, he would get his share (of Kirk’s face) otherwise, he was going to turn this island into Alcatraz and make Kirk be his anime inspired maid. Nobody could stop him, he was Moriarty after all and the world was his for the taking. 

Step one, was to wake James. T Kirk up…nice and loud. 

Loud proved to be a be hard to achieve and after poking him a few times in the cheek, and kicking his leg – it was observed that Kirk was very out of it. Moriarty smiled adorably, dimples appearing on his cheeks; today was going to be a great day. 

Dragging the other man was a task…and a half. Luckily for him, the water wasn’t too far away and as soon as Kirk’s body touched the freezing cold water, oh, because, uh, Moriarty took the opportunity to take a few layers off...not all (gee, what do you think he is?!) and boy, did he take immense pleasure in the high pitched squeal that erupted from Kirk. 

“WAKEY WAKEY SUNSHINE” Moriarty yelled, hands on hips, grin nice and wide as he watched Kirk’s face go from horror to pained to ‘urghhhh’ and finally to, ‘who the heck are you?’. Jim number 1 wasn’t near finished with this guy, on the contrary, he was just getting started. “Lover boy. I’m your husband now. We met and married in Vegas, this is our honeymoon” Moriarty winks before blowing him a kiss, biting suggestively on his bottom lip as he looks Kirk up and down. “Oh and don’t I have a surprise for you babe” he bounces where he stands while, clasping his hands together in enthusiasm. 

Kirk is having trouble understanding and Moriarty thinks it is the most adorable thing he has seen in the whole entire world…he’s just like a puppy dog. He always wanted a dog. 

“Surprise?” Kirk asks as he moves out the water and stands dripping on the sand, eyebrows furrowed forward as he presses a hand to his head that would be thumping. 

“Do you want a beer?” Moriarty’s grin widens as he hears the groan that escapes from his lips and from his hands that his head is now buried in, he faintly makes out the words, ‘god no’. “Anyway surpriseee, is that the operation worked!” Jim 2 looks up in alarm and he knows the next question, he doesn’t have to ask. Moriarty lets out an exasperated sigh, “the babies? No? Yes?” he shakes his head faking annoyance, “goddammit. Babies. Our babies. You told me you wanted babies with me and now you are. The operation worked that changed your body to be able to handle and have all the functions that a woman might in order to carry and give birth. Bless those futuristic doctors and their talents” and before Kirk can say anything, Moriarty rushes forward on the sand. 

He jumps on his ‘husband’ wrapping his legs around the man’s waist, arms around his neck and kisses him hard on the lips. “I love you Kirk” Moriarty cannot help but grin and sighs dramatically, fluttering his eyelashes at him. “Do you want your second present now?” the man winks and before stroking his cheek with his finger gingerly, where he promptly licks it, ignoring Kirk’s somewhat very confused expression.


End file.
